This week was NOT a good week for me.
On Monday I stuffed up my dinner, I tried to make a chicken salad, & decided to experiment with different flavors, so I drizzled lime over the salad... RUINED! It was soo nasty!! So I ended up just eating the chicken. I was still really hungry when I finished it so I made myself 2 peanut butter sandwiches. I knew there would be a few more calories than in a normal snack, but I had NO IDEA just how many! Apparently there are 364 calories in just 1 peanut butter sandwich, so I ate 728 calories just in that snack!! I felt so sick & guilty when I found out, but I worked just a little bit harder on Tuesday to maybe try to make up for it a little, and I threw out the evil peanut butter!!
Then on Wednesday I was pumped to do my work out like I have been everyday, only I was a bit more excited than usual because Wednesday is weigh in day. So I got to the gym (this is a different gym to last week, as I was on a trial of the last gym & decided to join a different one.) hopped on the scales and it says I've lost 5kg! I was really proud of myself! With the 5kg loss that put me down to 129! I was 9kgs away from my 12 week goal! Then as I was high - fiving my gym buddy, the gym staff comes up to me and says "those scales are a bit light, you better come up the back" So I go up the back, hop on the digital scales and not only have I NOT lost 5kgs, I've PUT ON 3.2kgs!! I was soo disappointed! What had I done wrong? Surely the peanut butter sandwiches hadn't done that much damage! I think I was in shock, because I just went ahead with my work out. It sunk in towards the end of my work out & I just started to cry, overwhelmed with disappointment. I quickly pulled myself together though, and tried to "get over it". I went off to meet my friend after wards, she tried to comfort me but I wasn't in the mood to hear it, so I went and locked myself in the public toilets and let myself cry for a few minutes then pulled myself together once more. The day wore on and it got to lunch time, by this point I was really mad with myself, really hating on myself. So I went to the food court and found something really fatty that I knew I shouldn't be eating and scoffed it down like I hadn't eaten in 10 years! I felt so guilty while doing it, but I had some weird feeling that I was "getting back" at my body for not doing what I wanted it to do! The next day I didn't exercise at all, I even ate a piece of chocolate cake! But I re - watched a few of Michelle's "pre task" video's and sought out support on the forums last night to put myself back in the right head space.
Today when I went to work out there was no excitement, as I know I have a lot of work to do to undo the sabotage I have done to myself over the past few days. But once I got on the first machine & turned my mp3 player on, I realised that I was exactly where I wanted to be, and that I LOVE the feeling exercising gives me! I worked out a little bit harder today, to help undo some of the damage, and I'll be working out a little bit harder tomorrow too, but I know now that it doesn't matter if I lose weight every single week, I'm on the right track! I'm getting fit & healthy... Something I have never done before! So it doesn't matter if it takes a little longer than expected, the point is I'm doing the right thing & I'm very excited to see what lies ahead!!